Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
