did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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