Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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