I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
