It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
