A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
