NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
