I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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