If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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