Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
