Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
