dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
PANTIES FOUND
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