So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
