You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Randomize
