Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
