because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there is another microwave in the elevator.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
