after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
