so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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