my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
