well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
