You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
