Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
