What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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