We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
