I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
