don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
