I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
