i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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