I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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