all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
