White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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