You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
