Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
