I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel great
I just peed on a car
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
