Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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