if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
