it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
