clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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