You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
