i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
