i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
