please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
