He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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