the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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