FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
