; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
