me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
