i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
