Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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