Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
