I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
