Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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