Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
