For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We just shotgunned beers for America
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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