So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
